Emotional Intelligence

Hello parents! I want to focus this week's blog post on Emotional Intelligence (sometimes referred to as EQ).  Emotional intelligence is described as the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions (Salovey and Mayer).” In this, there are 3 main areas:

• Appraisal and expression of emotion
• Regulation of emotion
• Utilization of emotion. 

Put more simply, if you have a high EQ you understand a wide range of emotions, you recognize these emotions in yourself and others and have the ability to regulate these emotions as you experience them. Likewise, you can read these emotions in other people and can connect based on empathy you have for them.  

Not surprisingly, we are finding that one's ability to navigate a variety of social situations and to control impulses and emotions is far more important than traditional intellect in finding success in school and beyond. At school, we work very hard to support children's EQ by building their understanding of emotions, recognizing their own emotions, positively handling their emotions and understanding others' perspectives to build empathy. These are all part of social and emotional learning and are inherent in Responsive Classroom and the IB (both PYP and MYP) and are a natural part of growth and development. 

It is equally important that you build on your child's emotional intelligence at home.  Here are some suggestions on how to do so:

• Help your child identify his/her feelings and then give them validation.  Some children need help putting their feelings into words, and this is where you can help. "I can tell you are feeling frustrated trying to put that together. I get frustrated too when something does not work the way I want it to. Take a breath for a minute. If you want my help, let me know." This is a great opportunity to practice mindfulness as well. You are not really trying to change how they feel, rather you are acknowledging their feeling and allowing them to sit with this feeling. 
• Model your own management of emotions. Talk with your children about how you are feeling and why. 
• Work on building your family's emotional vocabulary beyond mad, sad, glad. Life is complex and so are our hearts. Many feelings can be categorized as having a negative or positive impact on us, but not all. Some feelings leave us feeling vulnerable or exposed and these are important ones to talk with your kids about.   
• Talk about how others feel to help develop empathy and compassion. You can do this through books, movies or even outings at the park. Be an observer and take a moment to talk about someone might be feeling. Stretch your child to think about how they might feel in that same situation. Have a conversation and see where it goes. 

Until next time, take care.

Healthy habits for healthy families

Happy new year everyone! I hope your holidays were lovely and the new year is starting off nicely. I always appreciate the long, unplanned days that come with breaks, filled with opportunities to fully unplug and relax. I hope you were all able to do the same during the holiday break. 

For many, a new year is a chance to develop new habits. Some focus on personal health related resolutions, others give more attention to their professional goals, and yet others devote their time and attention to family and/or community. The most ambitious and optimistic strive for a shift in all areas of their lives. A year is a long time, too long for some, making it easy to lose hope and give up. If you fall into this camp, instead try focusing on a new habit for 30 days at a time. Try something new for 30 days

Looking for healthy habits to adopt for 2016? Look no further!

• How about eating together as a family? Children are 24% more likely to be eating healthy foods and 35% less likely to have disordered eating in families that share at least three meals together a week. Positive benefits of shared family meals
• Looking to increase your own physical activity? Did you know that only 1 in 5 adults meets the recommendations for physical activity and less than 3 in 10 high school students get 60 minutes of physical activity every day? Modeling and being active together is the best way to get your children to develop healthy lifelong habits relating to activity and exercise. Physical activity information
• Are you getting sufficient sleep? Most of us are not, and it turns out that good quality sleep is good for your heart (among many other things). The effect of sleep on your heart 
• Looking for balance? Cutting back on your own screen time will have a multitude of positive results, including modeling positive habits for your children, leaving you more present in your daily life, giving more time for other activities and helping to improve the quality of your sleep (see above point). Healthy screen habits for the whole family 

I have my own set of resolutions for the year and look forward to sharing successes, challenges and strategies!

A few upcoming events not to miss: 

• The Great Conversations "Growing Up" class is being held at Annie Wright Jan. 13th and 20th for children ages 10-12 and their trusted adult. Growing Up class 
• Two speakers on one night! Tuesday, Feb. 23rd starting at 6:30pm in the Great Hall. 
• The Science of Addiction, by Noel Webster from the Olalla Recovery Center
• Developing a Healthy Relationship with Food, by Lisa Geraud from the Eating Recovery Center of Washington. 

Until next week, take care!

"Growing Up" Class

Each year I have the pleasure of being a part of an incredible opportunity for our students and parents. Great Conversations is a local organization that "offers classes and presentations on subjects dealing with puberty, sexuality, parenting and other topics surrounding adolescents to families, teens and professionals."
Great Conversations
We bring them to Annie Wright each January and May for the "Growing Up" class (all about puberty and the journey through adolescence) offered to families in the community. We have been hosting this class for close to 15 years now!

For those that have attended the class already with their child(ren), you have experienced firsthand how incredibly informative the class is, delivered with humor all while being completely developmental appropriate. I truly feel it is a gift of a class, a wonderful foundation of information to help guide many conversations in the journey ahead. It is definitely best received when the child is ready, both emotionally and physically. 

Great Conversations has received national recognition from the New York Times to the Today Show. Check them out!
NY Times 
Today Show 

For more information and registration,
Registration 

And please spread the word to any other interested families in the community that might be interested.

Take care!

Enjoying the holiday season

For many of you, the holiday season is one full of joy, love and gratitude. However, it can also be a time of stress and anxiety. Sometimes the pace of life seems compounded by all that happens during the holiday season. I find myself in another year that seems to be flying by faster than the one before. In an effort to try and slow down, here are a few links with ideas of intentional holiday fun.


Fun gifts children can make themselves (with your help, of course!):
Simple DIY gifts 

Tips on finding the pure joy in the holidays:
Enjoying the holidays as much as your children

Fun (and affordable) ways to ring in the holidays in the South Sound:
Holiday magic on a budget 

For those that worry about over-indulging at all of the parties and holiday gatherings:
Mindful eating over the holidays  

Looking for ideas on moving away from material gift ideas?
Replacing materialism with meaning

Cheers!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone has a chance to take a break over the coming week. With the rush of holidays, school and parenting, I have found I need to be very intentional in taking time to give thanks this time of year. Otherwise, the hours turn into days turn into weeks and in a blink of an eye, we are into January. If you would like suggestions on practicing gratitude, here are some great ideas:
Giving Thanks

I am thankful for the Internet Safety talk from our guest this week, Stefanie Thomas. Each time we do this talk for students and parents, I am left feeling we can always do more. At the very least, parents need to ensure they have parameters and rules established for their children regarding screens and devices. If your child has a phone, an i-pad, laptop or any other device where internet access is available, having an established parent-child contract is a good idea. See these samples of cell phone contracts for ideas (and you could certainly amend them to be inclusive of laptops or other devices):
Sample cell phone contract 
Sample cell phone contract 
Guidelines for Responsible Smartphone Use by Jo Langford

For those that missed the Internet Safety talk in the evening, please see the attached information from Ms. Thomas. 
Family Texting Boundaries 
Social Media 4-1-1 
Internet Safety Resources 
 
As always feel free to connect with me if you have any 
questions or concerns. Take care and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Mindfulness

This quote was shared with me recently and I thought it might be helpful for those of you new to the concept of mindfulness. Mindfulness means being present in the now, without placing judgement on one's experience in that moment. Mindfulness is an awareness of feelings, both physical and emotional, without immediately trying to change them. It is using your being mind, not your doing mind. Mindfulness isn't a new practice, with its origins in Buddhism or Hinduism, and we are seeing a resurgence recently in mindfulness practice with some very concrete benefits. Research shows that mindfulness practice can lead to stress reduction, boosts in working memory and focus, emotional regulation, cognitive flexibility, and increased empathy (http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/07-08/ce-corner.aspx).

I have been teaching mindfulness to our Annie Wright students for several years and find they really enjoy it. Some almost seem hungry for it. I have also found it to be a nice complement to Responsive Classroom and the Primary Years Program. Here are some of the resources I use with students across a variety of grade levels:

• Sitting still like a frog: Mindfulness exercises for kids (and their parents), by Eline Snel. http://www.shambhala.com/sitting-still-like-a-frog.html 

• A handful of quiet: Happiness in four pebbles, by Thich Nhat Hanh. http://www.amazon.com/Handful-Quiet-Happiness-Four-Pebbles/dp/1937006212

• Pictures books including:
• What does it mean to be present?, by Rana Diorio
• The Lemonade Hurricane, by Licia Morelli
• Anh's Anger and Steps and Stones, by Gail Silver
• Mindful monkey, happy panda, by Lauren Alderfer and Kerry Lee MacLean
• Moody cow meditates, by Kerry Lee Maclean
• Visiting Feelings, by Lauren Rubenstein

With holidays approaching, mindfulness can be a great antidote to impending stress. Six quick and easy mindfulness tips to combat holiday stress

Just as we are working on teaching mindfulness at school, adults can incorporate mindfulness into their work day. Mindfulness at work

I hope to see lots of folks at the Internet Safety speaker on Monday. Take care and have a wonderful weekend!

Stress and anxiety

Stress is as much a part of life as any other feeling or emotion. A certain level of stress can be a positive thing that allows us to perform at our best. The big game, a big test or presentation- a healthy level of acute stress releases the hormones that make our brains more alert, our pulse to quicken and our muscles tense.  However, too much stress, particularly chronic stress, tips things over the edge into the negative. 

Behavior that seems out of character for your child may be an indication of stress or anxiety.  Signs of too much stress in children may include:

• acting irritable or moody
• withdrawing from activities that used to give them pleasure
• headaches or stomach aches 
• routinely expressing worries
• complaining more than usual about school
• crying
• displaying surprising fearful reactions 
• clinging to a parent or teacher
• sleeping too much or too little
• eating too much or too little.

For teens, while spending time with peers is typical, pushing back from parents or avoiding long time friendships teens may also be an indicator stress levels are too high. 
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/stress-children.aspx 

My general guide in knowing when something has become a problem is how much it is impacting someone's daily healthy living. Many kids (and adults) exhibit funny or quirky behavior, but if it is not impacting their daily life (or social relationships), it may not need to be addressed. For more information on knowing when stress has gone from beneficial to detrimental in your teen:
https://www.parentmap.com/article/is-your-teen-suffering-from-toxic-stress 

For strategies on how to help your stressed or anxious child or teen:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/renee-jain/9-things-every-parent-with-an-anxious-child-should-try_b_5651006.html  

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/06/signs-your-child-is-stressed-5-ways-to-help/

https://www.parentmap.com/article/webinar-strategies-to-free-your-kids-from-stress  


For books that may help your anxious child (whether short term or chronic):
Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step by Step Guide for Parents, Rapee, et al (including an online guide for children)http://www.amazon.com/Helping-Anxious-Child-Step---Step/dp/1572245751/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446847906&sr=8-1&keywords=anxious+child

What to do when you worry too much: A kid's guide to overcoming anxiety, Huebner, Dawn http://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/441A314.aspx


Lastly, should your child need to talk to someone about their stressors, of course I am here (I see many kids that are feeling stressed). I also have great referrals for outside therapists that can be very helpful as well. 

With the weekend upon us, hopefully our own stress levels will be low and we can all relax. Until next week, take care.