'Tis the season to be grateful!

We are full swing into the holiday season. No matter which holiday you celebrate, the themes of love and light ring true throughout. December has a way of making us grateful for what we have and also perhaps what we miss. Time spent with family and friends, including opportunities to exchange gifts, makes us feel fortunate and loved. Connecting with teachers before and after a long break makes us feel cared for and supported. The darkness this time of year makes us feel comforted by our warm homes, and grateful for the long, warm days of summer. All of these feelings of gratitude are wonderful in their own right, but it's amazing to know that feelings of gratitude in and of themselves lead to a wide range of benefits. There is compelling research being done on this topic, showing that gratitude has a whole host of positive effects, including better physical health, higher levels of positive emotions and stronger social relationships. We know that gratitude is good for everyone, but for youth in particular, more grateful youth are happier and more satisfied with their lives, family, friends, neighborhood and selves. They feel more hopeful and engaged in their lives both in and out of school. The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley is taking a real lead on this topic with related articles and programs and has even developed a curriculum geared towards teens and tweens to develop gratitude practices. Take time to explore their website if you are interested on this topic, as they have connections for both youth and adults. 

As you decorate, shop, bake or toast with friends this season, take time to look at the big picture and give opportunities to reflect. Here are some ideas and more to get you and your family going:

• Take a minute every day to reflect on something you feel grateful for. Some days may be harder than others, but research shows that this simple daily practice is a mood booster. You can say it out loud at dinner or before bed, write it in a journal or for tech fans out there, there are many fun apps available. Tiny Gratitude
• As you shop for each other, pick a tag or two off the many giving trees set up in the community to help give presents to low income families in need. Family shelters are in need of items all throughout the year, so perhaps this seasons kicks off an extended practice. Helping children see life outside of themselves and their wish lists is a guaranteed way to increase gratitude. 
• Connect with others in your community by visiting a nursing home, taking baked goods to a neighbor or even bringing back the art of caroling. Feeling connected to and doing good for others is a sure fire way to gratitude. 
• Help your child craft a letter to someone they care about, whether a family member, teacher or friend. Expressing what we appreciate about someone we love is a bucket filler for all. 
• Talk about gratitude with your family, including something kind or helpful you have done for someone or something a friend or co-worker has done for you. 

On this cold and dark December day, I am grateful for colleagues to learn from, a family to love, friends to laugh with, a home to decorate and time to enjoy it all. May you all find what warms your heart this season as well!

Responsible Independence builds confidence

For those that were able to make it to the grade level parent coffees last week, you heard us talk a lot about responsible independence. We work with our youngest to our oldest on aspects big and small related to this concept. At school, we look at responsible independence as students being responsible for the things in their daily life in which they are capable and doing so in an independent way. In class and at home, this may look like learning and working without needing constant assistance or continuous prodding. It means being responsible because of an intrinsic motivation for our own well-being and understanding that our actions are connected to the greater community (family, school, neighborhood, etc.). It means making choices out of a sense of being principled and disciplined, not because an adult said so. Raising independent children

It is important to develop and nurture responsible independence in our children for a number of positive reasons, including battling less when trying to get out of the house, ownership over homework and extracurricular activities, and attempts at and mastery of functional life skills (i.e. dressing, toileting, mealtimes, etc.). Parents of children that have developed responsible independence are not stressed out trying to manage their child's life as well as their own.  The work might be greater and require more patience at an early age, but it really pays off down the road. 

The most important reason however is the confidence and security it builds within a child's sense of self. 

• By setting age appropriate expectations and giving them the tools to accomplish these tasks, you convey sincere trust in your child that they are capable. 
• By allowing them to pursue and explore their own interests, they identify the things in which they are passionate and will want to willingly participate in.
• By giving them the space to solve their own problems, they become good decision makers and conflict resolvers. 
• By giving them ownership over their daily living, they develop the self-confidence that they are skilled and competent. 
• By giving them appropriate independence and freedom, you communicate to them a sense of security in themselves and their community.

Chores are a great way to build responsible independence, and chores are something that children of all ages can do. According to author Julie Lythcott-Haims, children who grow up with chores are more likely to experience success in adulthood. Ted Talk Systems of organization (organized places where things- clothes and toys- live) not only make clean up easier, they also build foundational building blocks for organization in adolescence. Setting the table, clearing/doing the dishes, sorting/folding/doing the laundry are tasks that can be age differentiated and certainly accomplished by kids of all ages. Chores help kids feel competent when they act competently

Allowing your child to manage the functions of their school life is another way to build responsible independence. For our younger students, allowing them to walk to their classroom, carry their own backpack, and manage their coat and lunchbox are important first steps. As they grow, supporting the organization system they are putting in place regarding school work (asking if they have their planner and homework folder before they leave school), having a clean and organized homework space for them at home, and helping them prepare for school the night before by getting their backpack packed and ready with anything they need the next day (including athletic clothes if they have a practice). As you do things for your child, ask yourself, "Can my child do this him/herself?" If so, start asking them to do it and putting things in place so they can. 

Telling kids how great, smart or cute they are does not build confidence and self-esteem. Rather, kids build a positive sense of self and feel confident when they are allowed opportunities to manage their day to day life, have appropriate freedom and independence to confidently self-manage, and can point to things they have accomplished on their own.  As is often true in life, it is the little things from an early age that build and develop into the most important. 

Who knew Ann Landers was so wise? She says it perfectly here.  

Until next time, take care.

Parent Education Speaker Series

It was great to connect with so many of you last week at the Lower School Back to School Night and the week before at the Middle School Back to School Night. I hope you found it to be informative and helpful, giving you a real glimpse into what a school day looks like for your child. I was able to spend time as a parent in my own children's classrooms and am always grateful for that opportunity. I was struck by the organization of their desks. If only their bedrooms looked so clean and tidy!

The post this week is all about our Speaker Series for the school year. These events are free and open to the broader community. We do our best to find speakers that meet the interests and needs of the community. If you have a particular interest or need and feel others share the same, please send a note my way. The speakers are funded by the school in partnership with the Annie Wright Schools Parent Association and we are so grateful for their support. 

First up next week is author Ana Homayoun, Overcoming the Culture of Perfectionism in School and Life, Wednesday, Oct. 4th. She will speak to students about developing their own path for personal and academic success in a balanced way. Listen to an interview with her here on National Public Radio. We will have some of her books available for purchase at the evening event. See here for more details on her work.

In January, we will host the annual Growing Up classes from Great Conversations. This thorough and informative class for adolescents and their trusted adult is a must, and will make the journey into and through puberty easier (if you can believe it). This is an optional class for families and takes place in the evening. For more information on Great Conversations and to see them in the news, go here. 

In February we will welcome back Diedre Flynn from FCD Prevention Works to educate students and parents on substance abuse and prevention. A parent that attended last year felt the information was so helpful that it should be required for all parents. I myself kept coming back to the information she shared around social norming for weeks in a wide variety of contexts. 

Lastly, in April we will have a film screening of Angst: Breaking the Stigma Around Anxiety. There will be a student screening during the day, conversations in advisories and PHE to follow up and a community/parent screening in the evening. Research tells us that 25% of 13-18 year olds will be diagnosed with mild to moderate anxiety and that anxiety is a precursor to many mental health challenges. I can attest first hand that many of our students struggle with anxiety at times, and clearly it is a topic worth talking more about. 

For more information on the speaker series and to register for Ana Homayoun next week, look here on our website.

I hope to see many of you there!

Managing back to school stress and anxiety

Hello parents! 

We've made it through another week of school- kudos to everyone! I find that in these first weeks, getting through the day in one piece (i.e. students coming home with everything they went to school with) is an accomplishment. (Reminder- put your kids' names in their uniforms!) Making it all the way through the day and evening to bed without tears is a feat in and of itself. If anyone in your home (yourself included) is struggling to stay organized and of a clear and calm mind (not overwhelmed), these back to school tips in a few major areas (food, sleep and homework) might be just the thing to help. Overall, organization and consistent structure and routines goes a long way in reducing stress and anxiety for everyone. 

Sleep

• For those that haven't seen this before, here is that helpful sleep chart again.

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• Develop a sleep and bedtime routine that works for your family and stick to it as consistently as possible. Though it is tempting to let the routine slide on the weekends, research shows that sticking to the schedule on Saturday and Sunday makes Monday and beyond easier. 
• Ideal sleep happens when devices are not in bedrooms or looked at within an hour of bedtime. The screens tend to stimulate more than relax us and for those texting and doing social media on phones, it is just too tempting to look for messages from friends and anxiety producing when they don't see what they would like. 
• For a great deal of helpful information on sleep needs, routines and issues Sleep help and info

 Food

• As with sleep, creating a consistent meal time routine makes for happier kids (and parents). Most of us are juggling many things, so consider planning out dinners ahead of time to help take the stress out of the evening. Healthy and Easy Weeknight Dinners
• For those that need portable meals in the evening- Car Ready Dinners and Lunches
• Most of us are rushed in the morning, so look for breakfasts that you can make ahead of time or easily prepare. Super Healthy Kids
• If you are not sure your child eats a balanced or healthy lunch, involve them in planning what they eat and in packing their lunch. Also, focus on the meals that you do share with them. Two out of three isn't bad!

Homework

• As with sleep and food, a consistent homework routine and location is really important. 
• Help your child identify a distraction free space to do homework that is not far from where you will be preparing dinner or working yourself. Though a desk in their bedroom is a nice idea, most kids are easily distracted by other things in that space. If your child is working on a screen, it is ideal to be able to monitor what they are working on. A dining room table works well for many kids or a place near or in the kitchen. 
• Some kids like to get started on their homework right when they get home, while others need a break. Work with your child to figure out the best time for them. 
• If your child is overwhelmed by their homework, try chunking it into 10 minute blocks. Work for a bit, then take a brain break. If their work itself is overwhelming, visually chunk the work into smaller pieces. 
• After the homework is complete, make sure they put it back into their binder or folder and put it back in their backpack. This will take the stress out of the morning getting out of the door and will almost guarantee the work will get turned in! 
• If the planner the school provides does not work for your child, experiment with different types. There are a variety of planners available at bookstores and online. 
• Tips on resolving the homework battle Homework tips.
• Strategies on supporting your adolescent with homework. 

Lastly, remember that we all need time to transition into a new school year. Put your routines into place and try to stick to them as much as possible. After a few weeks, things should start to get a bit easier and worries should subside. If not, communicate with your child's teacher to be a supportive team. A side note about organization and routines- they generally result in being on time to school! Nothing creates a more stressful start to the day than being late. Arriving to school just 10 minutes early gives your child a chance to settle into the day with a calm mind and clear brain. What could be better than that? You may even have time to grab a coffee. Now that is a win-win.

Good luck with the transition and settling into your routines. As always, reach out for help if you need it!

Welcome back!

Hello everyone and welcome back to school! I have been so busy getting things up and running for the new year and spending time with your kids, that I have not had time to update the blog for this first month. There just are never enough hours in the day! My goal is to update the blog every couple of weeks on topics that I feel might be helpful to you. Please check back next week for information on what to expect for this upcoming year, as well as tips and strategies to manage back to school stress for the littlest to the oldest of us. Enjoy this long weekend and take time together. Until next week, take care!

Substance Abuse Prevention Parent Presentation

Hello everyone and happy Spring! We are nearly at the end of the year and it sure has been a busy one. I wanted to circle back to parents about the really valuable parent presentation we had last month from FCD on substance abuse prevention. As a parent and educator, I found the talk so helpful, particularly around the social norms on which we base our assumptions and actions. 

Copied below are a few helpful resources from FCD relating to the parent presentation, followed by a link to the filmed talk itself in case you missed it. 

Warning Signs of Abuse

Parental Influence Study

Top Five Marijuana Talking Points

FCD Parent Presentation 4.17.17

I hope you find these resources helpful. I found the pieces around social norming, and how much our thoughts and actions are informed by what we believe others are doing to be so powerful. 

I hope to get one more post in before the year is up- two more weeks! What a year it has been!

Take care-

Screenager Recap

We had such a great turnout last week for the film screening of Screenagers: Growing Up in the Digital Age. We spent the morning showing the film to students in grades 4-10, followed by grade level discussions about the role of screens in our lives and ways to find balance. The evening screening was also followed by a valuable discussion, with a Q & A facilitated by our own Angela Heath (educational technology director), Nikita Midamba (clinical research associate) from the Social Media and Adolescent Health Research Team from Children's Hospital, and Nancy Waters (US counselor) and I. The turnout was great, with many of our families as well as families from the community. 

This topic is such a good one to explore as a family for two reasons- 

1. Screens affect us all, and aren't just a teenage issue.  We all need to find balance with the screens in our lives and most of the guidelines that are healthy to put in place for our adolescents and teens are healthy for all us to follow. 
2. There are so many threads to follow on this topic-- hours spent in front of screens, impact on brain development, impact of social media on our self-esteem and emotional health, quality of our sleep, quality of the face to face time we spend with people, rules of engagement as we converse with others, the ability to just be without feeling the need to look at a phone-- I could go on and on. As a family, pick one or two of these threads and talk about what you value and the guidelines you feel are important and helpful. 

I referenced a few resources after the film that I wanted to leave you with here. One is a great article I read a couple of weeks ago about the unwritten social media rules that teens create and understand. Rules around the kinds of pictures that are okay to post so you don't look too sexy, or how many pictures you can post without looking like you are bragging.  Trying to manage the rules and guidelines we create for our children is one thing, all the while trying to navigate the ins and outs of the rules they understand (or don't) with their peers is A LOT to figure out. Check out that article here.

Another resource from the Social Media and Adolescent Health and Research Team (SMAHRT) is the Problematic and Risky Internet Use Screening Scale. This is an 18 item questionnaire and was referenced in the film. It is used by doctors and mental health professionals to help adolescents and their families gain insight into the impact of internet use on their lives. To give you a sense of the questionnaire, here is the front page of this screening tool. 

The filmmaker also referenced an app that keeps her from being distracted by her phone and text messages while driving. I did a quick search and found a handful, including At&T Drivemode, OMW- On My Way,  It Can Wait, Lifesaver, Down for the Count, Canary (this one also seems to have the ability to help you monitor safe driving for your teen driver). More information can be found here.

A book referral for teenagers from Angela Heath is lol...OMG: What every student needs to know about online reputation management, digital citizenship and cyberbullying, by Matt Ivestor.  Its an easy read to help students navigate the digital world. An Amazon link is here for more information. 

I hope these resources are helpful if you are looking for guidance. As always, don't hesitate to reach out for more support!